I spend an awful lot of my time worrying. About work. About my career. About my elderly relatives. I know that this worrying is all pretty pointless. I work hard. I dedicate as much time as I can to my family. I know that I've done pretty well career-wise as well as relationship-wise. And worrying won't change anything.
But this is me being rational. And the funny thing is that I can be rational; I can stand outside myself and know perfectly well that it is pointless to worry. I can tell myself that. But none of this actually stops me turning the things that concern me over in my mind.
Interestingly, I don't remember worrying to such an extent when I was younger, in my twenties. In fact, back then, I thought I could do anything, achieve anything -- and I did, with very little angst.
I wonder, then, whether worrying is symptomatic of middle age. After all, I'm now in my mid-forties. Perhaps all this angst is what defines a mid-life crisis.
Maybe as I move towards older age, my worry levels will decrease. But I was speaking to my aunt, who is in her eighties, the other day -- and she said that she, too, worries about anything and everything. Yet she comes across as utterly calm and collected -- and people frequently tell me that this is how I appear too.
I suppose everyone worries -- it's just a case of how clever one is at hiding it.